My most unpopular blog post ever

Today, our country will mark a moment of silence for 'the 26 victims' of the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School. I will join with thousands or maybe millions of others to honor and mourn the loss of these precious lives, but my prayers will be for more than the 26.

I will pray for the families and friends of the deceased. No doubt they are paralyzed right now, filled with grief beyond understanding. Somehow, they must find a way to breathe and move and live their lives again. That's a journey which will take many years and much love and support and prayer.

I will pray for the children and faculty who survived the tragedy, those who heard and saw things which defy words. Their innocence has been stolen, and the stain of these events on their dreams may be permanent. They need years of counseling and understanding and love and prayer in order to learn to trust again. I pray they each find a safe haven somewhere in our troubled world.

Here's the unpopular part. I will pray for the 28 lives lost. Yes, I will include the shooter and his mother in my prayers. We may never know the depths of their despair, the anguish and isolation which burdened a family until a young man broke and took so many lives. But the shooter and his mother are God's children too, and they now stand before Him. May He have mercy on their souls as He does on the souls of the school's children and faculty.

And may He also have mercy on us for our part in a system so broken, a society so warped, that persons with mental health problems fail to get the help they need. I will pray that, with God's grace, my own interactions with people will lighten burdens and spread ripples of goodness and truth and hope, today and every day.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

Amen.

-St. Francis of Assisi

Mr. Rogers and heroes

A day after this week's horror in Connecticut, several Facebook friends posted this quote from Fred Rogers

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’ To this day, especially in times of ‘disaster,’ I remember my mother's words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers – so many caring people in this world.”

The quote resonated to my core.
The helpers. The people who somehow keep it together during unthinkable events. The ones who push aside their own fear and take care of the small, the weak, the vulnerable. When every cell courses with panic and adrenalin and survival instinct, these helpers work for a greater good. They are my heroes.

I love heroes, especially unlikely ones, reluctant ones, ordinary folks who find themselves in extraordinary situations. That's why I read so much, so I can find and love characters who pull themselves up by their bootstraps and seek ways to act with courage.

That's also why I write. Somehow, creating characters who are surrounded by evil but not overcome by it, who keep their moral compass in the face of immorality, gives me hope that I, too, might act as a helper. I just hope and pray I never have to be put to the test.

The voice journal

When asked to recommend books on writing, The Art of War for Writers by James Scott Bell often comes up at conferences, at workshops, and on blogs. I finally read it last week, and many of his 'strategies, tactics, and exercises' resonated with me. One of the most intriguing was his idea of a 'voice journal' for each character.

He advocates a stream-of-consciousness journal of a character's speech, documenting his/her description of self in whatever form it takes. The list format I used for my characters, bullet points describing traits and likes/dislikes, fell short in guiding me to full characterizations. So I embraced Mr. Bell's advice, closed my eyes, and let Sophie speak through my fingertips.In minutes, this is what I had:

Hi, my name is Sophie Adler. I’m fourteen and I live with my Mutti, my Papa, and my brother Klaus in a 5 room apt over our family’s bakery in Munich. I always wanted a pet, but my parents said no; since we have the bakery right downstairs it wouldn’t do to have an animal prowling around. I talked them into a cat, to act as a mouser in the alley behind our house. Her name is Skittle, because of the way she scurries away whenever someone tries to pick her up. Cats are that way; they want you when they want you, and when they don't want you they skitter away...

Maybe I like Skittle so much because she’s stealthy, living her life fully and completely as a cat, attached but not attached, watching and observing and waiting for opportunities to be part of the family, part of the group, but really a loner inside. She's like me... Quiet, observant, choosing who to reveal self to, who to avoid, scurrying away when cornered, making her own life in front of people and having a separate life they know nothing about.

The fascinating part about this? I've been writing/revising Sophie's story for several years, and I never had a pet in her story. And yet the prospect of a cat as her self-portrait is apt,and one that gives me whole new ways to frame her character and her story.

I feel refreshed; creating a voice journal for each of my characters will help me establish them more fully. That'll make my rewrites more fun.

Next time, I'll ...

There will be a second novel for me - the story is already spinning into shape in my mind, on Pinterest, in some basic notes on my voice recorder and on paper. I'll have some time off this fall,so I'll probably start pulling it together soon. But before I actually put pen to paper (or in reality, create a Word document,) I'll apply the lessons I learned from the convoluted journey of writing Risking Exposure.

What I'll do differently:

1. Put more flesh on my characters before I start writing. I'll write a biography of each character before I start - where/when they were born, schooling, friends, family structure, likes/dislikes, beliefs, quirks, personality type, traits, emotional make-up, intelligence, problem solving ability, strengths, weaknesses. That's far more detail in stone than I did before, and hopefully that'll cut down my need for extensive re-thinking of characters after the novel is done.

2. Put those characters in my setting and see how they act before I write a thing.
Each of us responds to circumstances differently. That's what makes us interesting. That's also what makes readers care about fictional characters and ultimately, what draws us back as readers. A good plot drives a story but a book, a memorable one at least, is about characters we care about.

3. Write out the story question and the pitch BEFORE I outline to make sure I stay focused. This means I'll need to UNDERSTAND my characters and what they want before I start writing. Again, this is essential to writing right.

4. Then I’ll outline. KM Weiland has written a well-received book on outlining and will soon offer a Writers Digest Workshop as well. Good timing for me to get the directed help I need.

5. After that's all done, I'll write. I'll let you know how that works for me.

What I've done right

That list of learn-as-I-go mistakes begs the obvious question: Did I do anything right?

Of course I did. Give myself a virtual pat on the back.

1. I kept my original protagonist, the setting, and her problem. Sophie, Munich, and the fate of the disabled in Nazi Germany are the foundation of my story, and I haven't strayed from that.

2. I researched my setting and her problem before, during, and after my first draft. I've learned more about Nazi Germany than I ever wanted to know, but the best research I did was tactile - I went to Munich with Katie and walked where Sophie would have walked, explored and smelled and tasted until I felt her heartbeat and heard her voice. I went to the Library of Congress and wore white gloves to examine actual era photographs. I opened the crackling yellowed pages of Nazi newspapers and read first-hand reports of the parade at the end of the novel, saw the way it was portrayed to the people, and photographed columns of text to translate at home.

3. I decided to tell the story in Sophie's first-person voice. As soon as I did, she began to speak.

4. I decided the story I'd originally planned was too cumbersome, too complicated, and the fantasy elements felt forced. I ditched the fantasy and multiple story lines in favor of a straight historical fiction story. Honestly, I still like those fantasy elements but they don't belong in this story.

5. I didn’t set a time frame for finishing the book, just a time frame of writing for 10 hours per week.

6. I allowed myself many many rewrites and didn’t hang onto beloved words, scenes, or characters. But I saved the various versions of my story as it evolved, and I plan to use some of my favorite deleted characters and scenes in future stories.

7. I read a lot about writing, attended the Dietrich Theater Writers Group regularly as a reader and critiquer, went to writing SCBWI workshops and conferences, and read well-written books. As I surrounded myself with writers and works that shine, I absorbed.

8. I took in everyone’s advice. But I took to heart only the advice that resonated with me. I'm not writing this book by committee. It's mine and Sophie's.

9. I loved Sophie and committed myself to telling her story, regardless of how many rewrites it took.

10. I kept practicing, kept writing. I didn’t see changes in my writing skill week to week, but gradually, I have improved.

11. I haven’t let setbacks or (many many) rejections get me down for the long term. When I'm frustrated or stuck, I put the work aside for a couple weeks. That freshens my perspective and increases my objectivity. Then I can tackle it again.

Next up, and the last of this series - what I'll do different next time.